5 Uncomfortable Truths I Needed to Relearn in 2023

But this can be such a trap because if we don't create boundaries and realistic expectations from the beginning, you can get stuck in the perpetual learning cycle and no matter how satisfying it is, girl, it slows your ass down. I'm gonna give you kind of a cringey example from several years ago in my business. Now I have had my first few websites built for me, and then I decided that I somehow needed to learn how to build a website myself. Don't ask me why I'm not that tech savvy, I wasn't then, and I'm still not even though I'm up to my eyelashes in technology, in my business on the daily. I digress.

So I decided I need to learn how to build a website so, of course, I turned to an online course. And then I realized, oh, there are WordPress websites, and there are Squarespace websites, and now there's a whole bunch of others and I just randomly picked WordPress. Can I just tell you that was one of the most excruciating experiences of my life is trying to slog through that freaking word pest WordPress, excuse me, WordPress website building course. I finished it, and I still didn't understand WordPress, and I still wasn't able to build a website with it. And add to the time and money that I spent, I didn't even have an outcome that I could feel good about. I would consider that a hard fail. So someone introduced me to Squarespace, and I decided I'm told this one's more intuitive, I think I'm just gonna go with this.

And while I got further along in the course, and I did manage to put together something resembling a Squarespace website. Bottom line is I'm not a website designer, I'm never going to teach people how to create websites. Not to mention, technology continues to advance, seems to be faster and faster so how would I even know when I know enough. Bottom line is, I should have never wasted the time and money learning how to build a website from scratch. And why this was such a hard lesson for me to learn is because instead of realizing I have no business learning how to build a website, I came to the conclusion, I have no business learning how to build a WordPress website. So I thought by switching to another platform, it would change the basic truth that I shouldn't have been doing it to begin with. You see why this thought, I should be able to do this myself, can really be your toxic trait.

Now I'm proud of what an accomplished person I am and how many things I've taught myself but we don't have unlimited bandwidth. We don't have unlimited resources and really, when you're being honest, no matter how rowed you might be of all the things you've taught yourself. Isn't your energy better spent doing the thing that gets you paid like right away, not maybe someday. Here's another example, I have encouraged many of my clients to hire a virtual assistant or in some cases, an ops manager or for other people just growing their team. Usually, they would resist it, they will tell me, I don't wanna manage people or I don't wanna manage more people or I can't afford it. Or, yeah, I had a team in the past, and let me just tell you 6 ways from Sunday, how I got burned, not doing that again. I have given all of those excuses at different times in my business and at the time, I meant it word for word.

That's where we should be spending as much time as possible and getting help with everything else. I should be doing that. You should be doing it too. In truth, no matter how much effort you put into learning something, there will always be someone who could do it better and who can do it faster than you sometimes, ridiculously better and faster than you. If you can choose to accept this without guilt, shame or embarrassment, you will see it for the gift that it actually is. Where we get caught up is spending time thinking we need to learn how to do something that we don't actually need to learn how to do. Now when I hear myself sometimes I talk to myself out loud. I know I'm not the only one. Sometimes I'll hear myself saying, oh my god, I should be able to do this. And I answer myself, no, you shouldn't. No, you should not, this is someone else's zone of genius.

It is most certainly not yours and while you could double down and work really hard and make progress that you might even feel really proud about. This is not where you should be spending your time. When you are working in your zone of genius for your perfect fit clients, you will always make so much more money doing that then whatever it costs you to hire someone to help you do the thing that you shouldn't be doing because it's not in your zone of genius okay? I feel like I should bang the gavel, but I think you got the point. Shall we move on?

Okay, number 2, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Now bottom line is whether someone is saying something to you, like, oh my god this is such a great opportunity or whether you are saying that to yourself. Most of the time, it is an option, not an opportunity. Some of these I can spot much more easily than others that are slipperier. For example, for me, most summits, most bundles, many opportunities to be a guest on a podcast or to be a guest blogger or being featured in a digital magazine or contributing to some sort of a periodical, a book. Most of those are an option for me, not an opportunity. When you being you are being pitched by a business owner, a brand, or an influencer who has a bigger following than you do, whether they're asking for you to be a guest, they wanna be a guest on your podcast. They want you to be a guest on their podcast.

Here's some sort of a guest blogging situation. There's talk about teaching a master class, doing a JV partnership, some sort of affiliate marketing or collaboration of some kind. When they have a bigger following than you do and you're the one getting pitched, I would not give you the side eye for getting all starry eyed and kinda fangirly, because I know I have. You might even wonder when you hear from this person or really, let's honest, someone on their team, you probably get confused like, did I get this by accident? Did they is this really meant for me? Or is my manifestation practice and vision boarding finally paying off? Now call me cynical, but my rule of thumb in these scenarios is this if they are pitching you, 9 times out of 10, they tend to get more out of you saying yes than you ever will. And I know this is going to make me sound like I'm bitter and I'm cynical, it's not true. It's just that I've been at this a little while, and I've been all fangirly and googly eyed and think, oh my god, this person's such a big deal, and they want to be a guest on my little old podcast?

Well, you learn over time and while I'm still super idealistic and think I always will be, I'm not as naive as I used to be. I mean, listen, I'll be honest with you, I've had a couple of quote unquote big deal coaches in my niche pitch me to be a guest on my podcast and the 1st time it happened, let me be honest, I felt totally swept off my feet. I found myself fantasizing about making such a great connection during the interview that we would literally become instantaneous biz besties. We'd stay on the phone for hours after we stopped recording, brainstorming about future collaborations and all the fabulous people in her inner circle that she was now dying to introduce me to. Well, I'll have you know I did snap out of it and come to my senses pretty damn quick and recognize that, let's be honest, your podcast is simply 1 on a list of many that was curated by a pitching agency.

This person not only doesn't know who you are, they don't care who you are and that's not in a, like, a rejection sensitivity kind of way. It's just that you're a name on a list and you're going to get the exact same interview out of this person as every other podcast host, no matter how amazing an experience you try or even succeed in creating, you're not going to become business partners. You're not going to become friends. Her goal was to promote her own products and services to your audience, that's the whole purpose. Now, call me rude, but now I don't even open cold pitch emails anymore, because, first of all, I'm really desperately trying to accomplish this whole inbox zero thing. But when your inbox is filling up every week with subject lines like I found the perfect guest for The Driven Woman Entrepreneur, you just know it's an option, not an opportunity.

I know that what I'm looking for is not a one hit wonder. I also know I have plenty to say, so filling a guest slot is not the issue. Because I know the role that guests play on my show, I've just become more discerning about who I'm going to give that privilege to, because I want to create quality content and build relationships. So what's the takeaway from this uncomfortable truth? Merely this, an option is something you could do, but you could also let it pass, and most of the time you should. If you are serious about giving it a good look over, look at it this way, is this option in alignment with my values, my current priorities and goals? We're talking like the next 90 days, no more than 12 months and what is the expected ROI?

If the option checks all those boxes for you and appears to meet or even exceed expectations then go ahead and invest the time and sometimes money, but not a disproportionate amount of either. When I look back, I almost never underestimated the value of an opportunity, but I frequently overestimated the value of an option. Why do we do this because I know it's not just me. Well, human nature, magical thinking, FOMO, and this old adage, it's not what you know, it's who you know. You know, those kind of stories that people circulate and you think all it takes is one magical connection. And because so many of us really struggle with this notion about visibility and the unconscious belief that more visibility is always better. It's not true and we can get just as burned out putting ourselves in front of options as we do of opportunities.

If you're a long term listener to this podcast, you may remember hearing me tell the story about the barista who overheard me telling a friend knowledge is power and then leaned over the counter and corrected me with, no, applied knowledge is power. This random interaction has come back to me again and again and again, because I keep thinking of all the ways this concept applies to my work and that of my clients. Now, if you happen to be a coach or consultant who works with people that are similar to you, this one actually counts for 2 because it can be applied both to what you need to learn for yourself and apply to your client work. Now I'm gonna come back to this in just a minute, but this seems to be one of those lessons in business and life that I personally need to keep repeating.

It's almost like I have amnesia. Why, because I love to learn, and maybe you love to learn, and you might even think this is a good thing. I mean, it's certainly a better thing than not wanting to learn, but there are limits. There are limits to the benefits of knowledge when it comes to your business, especially if you are a solopreneur or small business owner. Now because many of my clients love learning just as much as I do, one of the reasons they hire me is to help them determine what to include in their coaching or consulting program, and what to leave out, or leave for a future program, or for a different kind of asset, like a course, a book, a workshop, or a keynote speech.

You've heard me talk about it, and I brought the consultant, Claudia Schalkx, under the podcast to talk about how we created it. But I thought if I get the knowledge out of my head and into the world in the form of a signature framework, then I would automatically be able to screen my clients, convert appropriate leads, and help clients create optimal outcomes from working with me, and do it with consistency. Now, I have been able to do this on many levels, but I've learned that I put way too much into my signature framework, and some of my clients were not able to finish it during the length of our coaching engagement. So I now understand that I over delivered on the guidance and support parts. And what those clients actually needed more of, was more time for implementation. See, I see coaching as kind of a 3 ring circus in a way. Our clients need guidance, they need support, and they need accountability. I think I went a little bit too much on the guidance and support and I didn't go heavy enough on the accountability.

So if something didn't get implemented during our time together, that meant my client had to hold themselves accountable to do it on their own. I realize now, this needs to change because let's be honest, it is the applied knowledge that has the most power, not just the knowledge. So what we need to do is focus more on what we commit to learning and mastering, so that we have time to apply what we learn and not just keep learning it. And for the coaches and consultants listening, what you need to do is focus on creating programs that make your clients successful by focusing in those programs on applying and implementing what they learn, not just teaching it to them. To this end, I am in the process of redesigning the Boss Up Breakthrough. I want to make it more streamlined, more simplified and geared much more toward applied learning.

So clients who work with me will have the capacity for additional learning and be able to assess it. Our coaching time together will be geared towards learning just enough to take the next step. If they want more than that, they'll have the opportunity to access it but the focus will be on giving them as much learning as they need to implement and take the next step. This way, we are creating momentum as we go, and that momentum continues to generate more momentum. I'm looking at a variety of ways that I will be converting the Boss Up Breakthrough, which will bring back it'll include, but not be limited to, bringing back the group program and also introducing a more entry level offer. Now, if you want to be one of the first people to know about this, the new implementation oriented version, and more accessible options for working with me, there is a link in the show notes that you can get on the interest list.

You're not obligating yourself to anything, you're not buying anything, you're not signing up for anything. You're just letting me know, hey, I would be interested in knowing more about future opportunities, which they will be opportunities, not just options, because they will be focusing on implementation and execution. That's been the most important lesson I've learned this year, and I've learned it well. So if you're interested in that, there's a link in the show notes, so make it very easy for you to find. Okay, ready for number 4? Whoooo this one was tough to, more is not better, better is better.

With the emergence of generative AI on the scene this past year, ChatGPT is the forerunner, literally, everybody is talking about it. Now there are still two camps, there's 1 camp of people who literally want nothing to do with AI for philosophical reasons or other reasons, and a much larger group of those who literally became overnight evangelicals. I was one of those people who jumped in head first into that 2nd group and became an early adopter of Capsho. Capsho is a generative AI platform designed for podcasters. It's really quite brilliant because Capsho takes one piece of content, a podcast episode. And from it, almost like magic, creates a list of potential titles, the show notes, a blog post, an email broadcast, a LinkedIn newsletter, a YouTube description, captions and hashtags for all of the popular social media platforms and more in less time than it takes to brush and floss your teeth properly.

Now, the appeal is obvious, right? Because content creation is a lot of work, so having AI do the heavy lifting of repurposing your content into multiple formats basically means you, the solopreneur, don't have to do it yourself. And you also don't need to outsource or pay an assistant to do it either, you do have to pay the Capsho people, obviously. Capsho appealed to me because it was not just the AI. I mean, I could have asked ChatGPT to create all of those brand assets, but it also included a community and a very strategic content planning calendar. So I thought, hey, this leverages my time, my focus, my attention, my effort my talent quite passively by using AI, so, duh, was totally irresistible. However, after 6 months, I ended my Capsho membership. I did sign up for something called Castmagic, which I purchased on an AppSumo lifetime deal.

It is AI generated. It does work in a similar fashion to Capsho for my podcast. But by the time I was 7 months into the AI content creation merry-go-round, I had to admit, this is allowing me to create more content, but it is not necessarily better content. Every single piece of repurposed content had to be reviewed and revised. The titles, the headlines, the subject lines had become repetitive and boring. Now I know I have a low tolerance for boredom, but legit, they were boring. I can easily spot a blog post or a social media caption that has been generated by AI, and I can also tell one that's organic. I mean, real people do not make excessive use of words like unlocking, uncovering, unveiling, navigating, empowering, overcoming, redefining, they just don't.

So what's the takeaway here? Well, as for me, I will continue to use AI, and I will be using it in a much more discerning way. I'm not going to simply hand over all of my writing to AI, like I did. So what am I doing instead? I am experimenting. I'm experimenting with when, where, and how I will use it based on my goals and alternatives. Don't get me wrong, I love being efficient, and I love finding ways to eliminate any tedious tasks that may be necessary, but not at all rewarding. What I will no longer do is assume that more is better, I know better. More is not better.

Better is better and it's actually better for me to show up in fewer places in a more authentic organic way that actually demonstrates how I think, and what I have to offer. AI is convenient, but convenience always, always, always has a cost. I mean, come on, if you want to pick up a gallon of milk or a bag of dog food and it's 1 AM, you're going to go to a convenience store, and it will cost more. If you want the convenience of buying in bulk because you hate shopping and you want to go as infrequently as possible. The cost will be that that 36 rolls of toilet paper you got at Costco are gonna take up a whole lot of space under your sink or in your pantry, or maybe you're gonna have to leave them in the trunk of your car. There's always a cost to convenience.

So you ready for number 5? This one was a painful lesson too, and I have a feeling I'm gonna be repeating this one as well. Failing to plan equals planning to fail. I know it sounds really harsh, but hear me out. The ironic reality about solopreneurship is that most of us are able to serve our clients at a really high level in an area that we are almost incompetent at addressing in our own business. You may have heard of it called, the cobbler's children dilemma, in reference to the fact that the back in the day, the town shoemaker was so busy making gorgeous custom shoes for his customers that his own children were wearing shoes that they had outgrown and were worn out. We all have blind spots.

We're too close to our own work, and that blind spot is often in the area of planning ahead for people like me. I am really, really good at helping my clients anticipate future needs, prioritize effort, plan for up to a year at a time, including vacations, holidays, breaks, batching their content creation, and so much more. However, when it comes to my business, I know exactly what to do, and I have about a 50% success rate when it comes to actually doing it. I'm very driven, and I can produce quality work under pressure. But the main reason why I'm not as good at planning as I could be, and I frankly should be, is that I have decades of experience winging it under my belt, and that has been my default, not planning.

Just 3 months later, I was bit by a neighbor's dog, and ended up in the emergency room getting 5 stitches. 2 months after that, another dental emergency oh, and I had another bout of COVID. Now, obviously, none of these things could have been prevented, so planning wouldn't have made any difference, right? But stay with me, it is the fact that I didn't plan for any kind of emergency, any kind of setback, any kind of illness or even a major inconvenience. That was the problem, because when these incidents took place, I didn't have any buffer space. I did not have enough podcast episodes already recorded and in the can, I did not have enough email broadcasts or LinkedIn newsletters batched and done ahead of time, so that I could have just focused on my recovery, and instead I had to crank out content when I should have just been healing.