The Soulmate Phenomenon: How ADHD Fuels Idea Infatuation in Your Business

Here's what I see happening with almost every business owner with ADHD that I've worked with. And honestly, it was my pattern for years too. You get an idea, and I don't just mean an idea, I mean the idea and fall absolutely head over heels in love with it. It's not maybe I should try that. Oh no, it's full on romantic comedy montage shit, this idea is perfect. This idea is going to change everything. And if you're nodding along right now, stick around because today we're talking about what I call the soulmate phenomenon and why your ADHD brain keeps falling for the idea of the one, again and again.

So you know what I'm talking about, don't you? I mean, the way the most beautifully perfect idea you've ever had just shows up uninvited, but oh so welcomed. And it doesn't just show up like a vague concept, oh no, that would be too easy. This idea arrives like a complete freaking download. You can see the entire vision, the implementation, the outcome. You know exactly what the sales page is going to look like, how you'll market it, what the client experience will be, probably even what your Instagram reels are going to be like, and how you're going to turn the whole thing into a best-selling book. This idea hits and suddenly you're researching domain names, sketching out course modules, or planning your entire service offering.

The dopamine is flowing. You're feeling optimistic af, and you're absolutely certain that this time, this time, you have found your soulmate in idea form. Well, what the hell is actually going on here? Because I promise you, this is not about being flaky, flighty or having poor follow through, even though that's probably what you've been thinking. This is your ADHD brain doing exactly what it's designed to do. Seeking novelty and chasing that sweet, sweet dopamine. When a new idea captures your attention, especially one that feels innovative or especially exciting, your brain floods with dopamine.

And for those of us with adhd, where dopamine is in rather short supply, this feels fucking amazing. And here's the thing, this follows the exact same pattern as most romantic relationships. What do I mean? Well, there's the initial attraction, then infatuation, then the honeymoon phase, and eventually. Well, we'll get to that part, let's break it down further. During the attraction phase, something catches your eye. Maybe it's a new business model you heard about listening to a podcast or a creative approach that you hadn't considered and suddenly everything clicks.

You feel that little spark of, ooh, what's this? Enter the infatuation phase, this is where things get intense. You can't stop thinking about this idea. You're researching it obsessively. You're seeing possibilities everywhere. You're absolutely convinced this is going to solve all of your business problems, including the ones you don't even have. And the idea feels so perfect because in your mind, it basically is. You haven't run into any real obstacles. Or as I like to say, this gorgeous idea hasn't been sullied by real world experience, at least not yet.

Now we're in the honeymoon phase and you are all in. You're building, creating, planning, launching your hyper focus, and so determined, everything feels possible. This is often when you actually do your very best, most original, most creative work. Because you're operating from a place of pure optimism and laser focus coupled with ADHD drive and implementation energy and then reality hits. Maybe you encounter a challenge, maybe a shinier idea pops up and demands your attention. Maybe the initial excitement just naturally starts to fade because, well, that's what happens with dopamine, right?

You start noticing flaws in that perfect idea and you wonder why you didn't see them before. You start losing focus, steam, energy. The passion fizzle and your soulmate of an idea feels about as bubbly as day old Coke. That's when most entrepreneurs with ADHD say, well, I guess that wasn't the one after all. Time to break up with this idea and find my real business soulmate. Although they probably don't put it in quite those words. You know, the problem is not that you aren't committed enough or that you can't stick with anything.

The problem is that you're expecting this new idea to sustain the same level of excitement indefinitely. Which is about as realistic as expecting to feel butterflies in your stomach every time Your partner of 10 years walks into the room. Honestly, if you want that, get a dog. No, really, I want to paint some ideas for you of how this might show up if you're not quite sure this applies to you. Let's look at a couple of different business models that many of my clients work in. So in the coaching and consulting business model, picture this. You've been running your coaching business for a few years and things are going okay. Pretty good, actually.

You've got clients, you've got a relatively stable income, but then you hear about this new framework, or maybe you had a breakthrough with a specific client and it sparks an idea for a completely different approach. That you want to apply with all your clients. Suddenly you're convinced you need to scrap everything and build your entire business around this new methodology. So you start planning a signature program, maybe a course, definitely a podcast. You need a new lead magnet to go with it. So you're redesigning your website copy, planning your launch sequence, and probably considering a complete rebrand while you're at it. You are so in love with the new vision of yourself as an expert in this specific thing.

You can see the speaking engagements, the book deal, the flood of perfect clients who just get you and what you're offering. Or it might be a niche pivot. You've been working with entrepreneurs, but suddenly you have the realization you should actually be specializing in working with divorced women starting over, or tech founders with anxiety, or creative introverts building online businesses that don't require them to talk to anyone, including their clients. This new niche feels just more aligned, more you. And clearly this is where your genius lies, right? Well, if you're in a creative service business, this is how the soulmate phenomenon might show up.

Let's say you've been a freelance graphic designer for three years and you suddenly realize you should actually be positioning yourself as a brand strategist. Or wait, wait, wait you should be doing exclusively web design. No, wait, user experience design that's where the money is. Each pivot feels like the missing piece. You're redesigning your own brand, writing new service descriptions, planning new pricing structures. You can see exactly how this is going to position you as the go to expert in a particular area. Or maybe it's adding completely new service lines. Maybe you're a photographer and you realize, why aren't I offering videography? And while I'm at it, why not brand consulting? I mean, you can see the perfect client who needs all of these things. So why shouldn't you be their one stop shop?

Here's what's interesting about these examples. The ideas are not necessarily bad. Some of them are actually quite brilliant. But that's not the problem. The problem is the expectation that this one thing, this one new direction, is going to solve everything and sustain your passion for it indefinitely. Full transparency, friend. I have been caught in this trap right alongside a client who was in a frenzy of building their new thing before I recognized how common this pattern is with entrepreneurs with adhd, including myself. Let's face it, we get so turned on by the romance of a new idea that we can easily forget our current business and the fact that it might just need a little fresh attention and recommitment.

Not a complete overhaul. And here's the kicker often we abandon these ideas we right when they're about to get interesting. Right when we've moved past the honeymoon phase and into the part where real growth actually happens. We mistake the end of effortless excitement for the end of that idea's potential. Now, I'm going to repeat that just in case your mind wandered. We mistake the end of effortless excitement for the end of the idea's potential. Oof.

Okay, let's take a couple of collective deep breaths before we move on, because that one really landed for me. And maybe it did for you too, because I've got something really important to tell you next. First the breaths, one more. Now before you start thinking this whole pattern is some deep flaw and why am I yammering on about it and making you feel like absolute shit? Well, let me tell you, there's a hidden upside. There really is and savvy business owners like you can learn how to leverage the hell out of it. Remember that infatuation and honeymoon phase? That is pure freaking gold. You're swimming in dopamine, you're wildly creative, you're optimistic af and you're hyper focused.

This is when you produce some of your very best work, have your most original, brilliant, innovative idea, and tap into energy reserves you didn't even know you had. The key is learning how to strategically mind these phases instead of expecting them to last forever. Think about it. During those first few weeks or months of falling for a new idea, you're probably more creative and original than usual, willing to take risks that you might ordinarily avoid, able to see connections and possibilities others miss. Naturally motivated to research, learn and experiment, and are operating from a place of optimism instead of fear. This is incredibly valuable.

The problem is that most of us don't have a plan for what to do with it when the honeymoon phase ends. We just shrug our shoulders and move on to the next one because we assume that the relationship is over, instead of knowing how to transition it into something different. So how do you know when the idea deserves to move past the honeymoon phase versus when it's generally something that ran its course, had its way with you, and it's time to move on. Here are four questions I encourage you to ask yourself during the infatuation phase of your next brilliant idea.

Does this idea build on existing strengths, or does it require me to become a completely different person? Be honest. Am I running towards something I'm excited about, or running from something that feels hard right now, does this align with feedback that I've been getting from clients or customers? And can I test this idea in some small way before blowing up my entire business over it? And here's the big one, is this idea about creating something new and valuable, or is it primarily about feeling the rush of novelty and possibility?

And this is where we need to tap into radical self-awareness and radical self-acceptance, because shame has no place here. Well, sometimes the answer is yes, this new direction genuinely makes sense. Your instincts are right on, and the relationship is worth pursuing past the honeymoon phase. Other times you realize you're just addicted to the high of new beginnings, no shame. I used to pride myself on being an adult with ADHD who wasn't addicted to something. But you know what? I hadn't yet uncovered my addiction to shiny new ideas yet. And the goal is not to stop falling for new ideas, they're amazing.

The goal is to get better at distinguishing between ideas that deserve a long-term commitment and ideas that are just giving you a temporary dopamine fix. So how do you work with this pattern instead of constantly fighting with it or feeling bad about it. Well, I have several frameworks that have been game changers for me and for many of my clients that I'd like to share with you now. The first one is what I call the dating period. Stop jumping straight from attraction to moving in together.

Give yourself permission to date the idea first. Set a specific time frame and this is really important because time blindness enters in and we completely lose track of how long we've been dating this idea, I would suggest somewhere between 30 and 60 days. You are allowed to explore and experiment, but you're not going to make any major business decisions or investments, this part's really important. During the dating period, you can research, you can plan, you can maybe even make some initial content or do a small pilot project. But you're not announcing a rebrand, you're not scrapping your existing offerings, and you're not making dramatic pivots.

You're just getting to know the idea better like dating. Framework Number two, the Side Project approach. Instead of making every new idea the center of your business universe, try a side project. Keep your main business running while you explore this new thing because it takes the pressure off the new idea being the solution to everything, and it prevents you from abandoning genuine income generating activities for something untested that might fizzle out. If the side project proves itself over time, then you can consider integrating it more fully. If it fizzles, no harm done. You had your fun and try not to get addicted to having a side project the way some people get addicted to having a side piece. Trust me, your main business will suffer from your divided attention if it becomes a long-term habit.

Framework Number three the Integration Question before falling madly, deeply and completely in love with a new idea, ask yourself this question. How could this integrate into what I'm already doing well. Instead of how can I completely change my business around this? Maybe that new framework doesn't need to become your entire identity or business model. Maybe it's an addition to your existing services. Maybe that niche pivot isn't about abandoning your current clients and focus. Maybe it's about developing a specialty within your broader work and Framework Number four the Relationship Maintenance Plan. Now this is the big one and I wish I had a sexier name for it, but it is what it is.

Just like in romantic relationships, the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever. And that doesn't mean the relationship's doomed or that the honeymoon phase had no value. It means you need to transition into something different with a different set of expectations. When you feel your passion for a current project beginning to wane, because it will, instead of thinking of that as something wrong or bad and immediately looking for the exit strategy, ask yourself this question. What would it look like to recommit to this idea from a place of choice rather than a place of infatuation?

Maybe all it needs is some tweaks or minor improvements. Maybe you need to remember why you fell in love with it to begin with. Maybe you need to step aside and leave it breathe for a little bit. Or maybe you need to push through a challenging phase to get to the good stuff that is very likely waiting on the other side. You know, the most successful neurodivergent entrepreneurs I know are not the ones who never fall for new ideas. That's madness. They're the ones who've learned to be strategic about which new ideas they pursue and how they manage the inevitable transition from the honeymoon phase to the long-term relationship with that idea.

Your brain's tendency to fall for new ideas. It's not a bug, it's a feature. This is ADHD and it's what makes you innovative, creative and able to see possibilities others miss. The key to challenging it is to do it in a way that serves your business instead of constantly disrupting it. So hey, if you recognize yourself in this pattern, you are halfway to breaking through with it. You are not lacking willpower or commitment. You've simply got an ADHD brain that is wired for novelty and dopamine, and you are operating in a culture that tells you passion should feel both effortless and constant. Remember, the goal is not to stop falling for new ideas.

The goal is to get better at managing these relationships to your ideas, knowing when to date, when to commit, and when to consciously choose to work through the less exciting and sexy phases instead of bailing at the first sign of difficulty. Some of your soulmate ideas really are worth the long-term commitment and others are worth just giving you a temporary high. When you can learn to tell the difference, that's a skill that will serve you throughout your entrepreneurial journey and in other areas of your life.

So if this episode speaks to you, I would love to hear about your biggest soulmate idea that got away because maybe it's not too late. Did that idea deserve to be dumped or should you give it another chance? You can email me, you can DM me on LinkedIn, or you can leave a voice message on my website. The links for each option are in the show notes. And until next time, friend, you have a big, beautiful brain and an endless supply of brilliant ideas. That is a wonderful thing and many people envy us because of it. All you need to make the most of it is a little strategy and some intentional constraint.